Missing
by Rose of Brisingr
Summary: The first thing which caught Thor's attention as he saw the blood was its colour. Not the pieces of broken glass in which it dipped. Not the ground that was decorated generously with it. Not the body which was bathed in it. No, solely the colour. For it shouldn't have been red, but blue. Ice blue. Iceblood. - Story is placed after the events of *The Avengers*
1. Chapter 1

Hello my dear readers :3

This is the first chapter of an extended story which I've written in German first and now try to translate into English. I hope you understand everything and that you like what you read ;)

Now have fun with Reading :3

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**Missing ****  
****Chapter 1 : Death**

* * *

The first thing which caught Thor's attention as he saw the blood was its colour.

Not the pieces of broken glass in which it dipped.

Not the ground that was decorated generously with it.  
Not the body which was bathed in it.

No, solely the _colour._

For it shouldn't have been red, but blue. Ice blue. _Iceblood.__  
_  
„He wished for tiger lilies¨, Thor heard his mother whisper while she stood on his side studying the horrible scenario with her own eyes.  
Her lugubrious voice wavered between disbelief and plain pain.  
¨Red tiger lilies. His favourite flowers, you still know that? He told me once they would remind him of you with their ferocious bloom. For you'd be a kind of tiger as well. A gorgeous, powerful carnivore in combat. He loved them only because of you.¨

She bit her lips as a reflex on her strict education eons ago, so she could control the cry, which dared to come up her throat. She bit with such severity that a burgundian rill trickled down her chin falling down and staining her velvet nightdress. Her long fingernails clawed in the flesh of her naked upper arms penetrating the embraced skin with scarlet dents. she did not care. It was hard to tell if she even observed the ache.  
"Of course i made the guards bring him some instantly", Frigga went on, a bit of confusion lingering in her voice, speaking like she was in trance. "A hole bundle in the most beautiful crystal vase, which i could find. If only I had known that he - i would never have - !"

Letting a radiant teardrop roll over her left cheek she gave up her resistance, bowed down and cried.  
¨He just wanted some flowers...¨ she repeated softly, helpless. Eventually she broke of in mid-sentence. A single, rattling breath escaped her lips. Then she stood still and and succumbed to her own grief.

Sie went not until Thor demanded it.

Several hours passed after.

Since then the Thunderer mutely surveyed the body which lay as stiff as ever. The view saddened him.

The collar of Loki's shirt was loosened with force, so that a streak of bare throat presented itself sardonically. The seen flesh was hazy blue and oddly fragile in its nature. Unveiled skin shimmered in the flickering blaze of semi-burned out candles like fresh fallen snow but at the same time it seemed to be pure and clear as young morning dew.  
It was spookily beautiful.  
Shadows danced in tangled roundels on the gaunt walls. Thor sporadically payed attention to them. He did not know how long he already abided in the ravaged cell without stirring from the spot. No one could have told him that - when he entered the prison he had all guards commanded to leave their position.  
For precaution. To avoid witnesses, if needed.

His heart throbbed in a tireless rhythm against his chest and he did not understand it.  
Did not understand why it continued pounding, as if there would have nothing happened though he felt this terrible stitch inside him.

He understood little at this moment anyway. Very, very little. And yet more than he could stand.

After what seemed like ages he ultimately forced himself to take a step forward. Another one followed. And another one.

Mechanically he headed to the approximate center of the room where the dead god huddled. Slender legs draped in dim fabric entwined themselves in a strangely twisted posture, an arm pressing on his waist in a straight line while the other was outstretched in an abstruse right angle. A sallow, delicate hand held a fist-sized clutched with stony fingers. Dried, brownish flaps of blood were stuck on it. Thor's gaze inevitably attached to them.

_¨He just wanted some flowers...¨_

Secretly he asked himself how a piece of splinted glass could perform such a gruesome action. To be honest it appeared quite harmless by looking at it from a distance.  
_'In capable hands every object can become a weapon.'_ he answered his own question and suddenly he cursed his mother with all might and intensity he could afford in this second. For she had not thought of this simplicity when endowing Loki the lovely vase with its florid bouquet. For she had been blind for the obvious danger such favor entailed. But this anger, this rage abated quickly and was replaced with exuberant shame and nausea.  
Slowly the Thunder god went to his knees, hovering with his hands just a few inches above the breathless chest until he bowed down and wrapped his arms around it. Carefully, as he would touch delicate porcelain, he lifted the narrow torso holding it in a gently inclined slope.  
With one hand supporting the back, he ran his fingers over the bloodless face in feverish concentration like a blind man who tried to retrace the contours of the clear-cut profile.  
The skin he wandered over felt smooth and tough. And cold. Cold as glacial ice.

His impassable route led from the high forehead to chin, extended beyond the throat and unmoving chest where his fingertips glided over the place, under which the heart beat normally.

He poised. Quavery he pressed his bare hand on the flesh, pushing gently against it to capture even the most tender impulse.

The slightest movement would have been enough. Anything that could have been valued as tentative sign of life so that he was able to discover an alleged swindle. Another lie of his little brother to torture him.

But there was none. Everything what greeted him was an universal, soundless nothing. The body underneath him stayed motionless as the body of a puppet. Thor clenched his teeth.

No illusions this time. No lies. Real, real, the supposed descendent was **real**.

All of a sudden his throat felt arid, swallowing all the pain he tried to hide oh so badly.

Probably he should have screamed by now to declare his monstrous pain and sorrowful heart.  
At least some tears he should have shed over the corpse which once kept his brother's mischievous soul.

But it seemed as if Loki was gone and had taken all of Thor's words with him. What a beautiful thief…

The Asgardian was not even able to create a simple cry of agony. Every muscle in his beefy body felt unbearably numb. Just slow, very slow the Thunderer did the only thing which he thought was right in this second.

Bending over double he hid the ghastly head close to his chest, stroking the midnight black hair with his fingers... and soon he began to rock the corpse in his arms establishing a placid rhythm. Back and forth, back and forth. Like a mother, rocking her newborn child to sleep, quenching its disturbance with protection and warmth.

This gesture showed a kind of ghoulish fondness, the miracle of birth merged into the realization of death.

And while Thor acted this way, his lips musingly lying on a frigid temple scrawny, wet streams of salt and sorrow poured over his bearded cheeks little by little, dripping on cinereous flesh. The only sound, which escaped from the Thunderer's mouth was a suffocated whimper lonesomely echoing from the cell walls.

* * *

¨You can't do this!" Frigga screamed at him, grabbed Thor's arm desperately, willing to let tie him up, if it was needed, ¨Nobody ever entered Helheim and returned alive! I don't want to lose both of my sons today!¨

Flippantly the crown-prince got rid of his mother's grasp without looking up.  
¨Loki didn't die on battlefield, therefore he's not welcomed in Vallhalla.¨, he replied with rare calmness, his eyes bound forward, ¨You know, there is only one place left where he can be. I **have to** go there! ¨

He could not stand his mother's portrait at this time. Watching her heart break for the second time on this day could have possibly changed his decision.  
But he was not allowed to be swayed. He already knew well enough that it was a suicide mission he intended but what other choices were left? It was the only option to save Loki so that they could tie a new fate. A new, better, stronger bond of love and trust.

It had been three hours after he left the dead's cell, put on his armour and ordered Sleipnir, the fastest horse of all nine worlds as his mount. While Frigga went on with her repeated reminders, the blood swooshed in his ears. Fleetingly licking over is lips he could still taste the flavor of familar, cooled skin.  
His hands clenched into fists. No, he mustn't give up. He should never have given up. No matter which pleading afflicted him, which threats and horror stories he once heard about the lower realms of Hel – He had to **try** at least. If he did not, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Finally, the Queen parted from her eldest son, as she felt his grim determination wafting in the atmosphere. Her posture was grief-stricken and at her eyelashes teardrops shone like little diamonds. However, her voice was firm and clear when she put her delicate hand on Thor's cheek, looking at him searchingly.

„If you're already willing to go this disastrous path, promise me that you'll come back as the healthy, vivid man I use to know.¨, she begged with mellow strictness. Thor nodded in silence, acted obedient. He enjoyed the heat of her fingers on his skin for a brief moment before he finally broke free and started walking.

¨Thor.¨

It was no order, but mere the empathic intonation his mother used urged him to stay. The Thunder god stayed like a statue, without turning around.  
He waited.

¨Bring him home.¨

The words slid softly from her lips and yet they drilled like blistering pins in his muscles, driving themselves to his widely beating heart. Then he bestirred fitfully, went across the hallways till he got outside and vanished under the sinister garment of the night.

* * *

Though Helheim was indivisibly connected with all other eight worlds, it couldn't be travelled by the bifrost as usual.

Only the dead gained unrestricted access to subterranean realm. The ones who were still blessed with a vital spark smouldering their bodies and souls, had to make shifts otherwise. But to be honest you could have confidently said that the entrance to the withered kingdom almost was almost impossible to reach. Well, unless you possessed the most flexible and most vigorous mount in the whole universe. **THEN** a vague hope of success was given.  
As he would be out of his mind (maybe he was) Thor pressed his thighs into Sleipnir's flanks making him hurry up. Sleipnir whickered angrily, but the Thunderer forgot to chuck the stallion's neck to apologize. His whole being was oriented on their aim, his thoughts still lingered by the corpse of his beloved brother. He could almost hear Loki's mocking voice roaring in the wind.

¨You fool¨, he whispered in his ear, ¨You're too late. Too late¨.

Abruptly the Asgardian took a hand from the reins, lay it on his chest where a dreadful twinge found its way in. As there would be tiny daggers dotting his lungs.

¨You have failed. Anew.¨

They flew over the bifrost like cometary tails, went across the star-covered milky ways, till they sank deeper to the ground again.  
For a short time Thor closed his eyes as they broke through the pale blue sea level of Midgard, wilfully immersed into gloomy abysses. His muscles burned like flames due to the high pressure awaiting him, his lungs almost collapsed, but he not dared to struggle for breath before Sleipnir reached the place which was religiously called 'Gap of Worlds'. Fervent veins of thick magma pulsed on its borders, tossed grayish trails of smoke into the air which dispersed into a frosty flood of fractional particles. They split in fluid distance.

The Asgardian led Sleipnir directly into the bubbling brew at the foot of the ravine, knowing that not even a nordic god would withstand such combustions harmlessly.  
The horse from which he awaited more physical resistance but to his surprise it bristled no second at all. Sleipnir rushed into the devil's hole and did not care about safety or prudence. As if the horse knew, who would probably wait on the other side. As if Sleipnir would yearn after the man who rather preferred to be dead than trapped.

It had once been Loki, the Sleipnir once found in the forest of Utgard, left behind by the herd of foals. Despite protests from the other companions he secretly smuggled the Little horse home, right into the royal stables.

He had given Sleipnir his name, brought him up on the bottle patiently and broke him in so the bribed equerry could not accuse the horse to be rabid or ferocious. He also had Thor expressly noted if there should escape only one single word from his lips about the uninvited guest at the gathering of the all-father, he would personally nail him on the ceiling together with his loose tongue.  
For Thor clinged to his tongue very much and was highly aware of the sternness his brother's threat contained, he remained silent till the sickish colt had grown into an impressive stallion. And when the time had come Loki arranged it that Sleipnir was given as a birthday present to Odin to save him from a potential slaughterhouse for all eternity.  
Beyond that the god of lies had done more things and risked otherwise to keep his horse safe and well. Sleipnir now seemed to remember what he owed Loki, because he ran as if he were haunted by delusions and his hooves were littered with spines. But perhaps this relationship was just because of the threatening presence of the approaching Helheim's, who knew. Thor did not, complained already in spirit for having placed such horrendous theories in his mind. After all - it was just a horse, for which he interpreted love, everlasting affection and respect AND... almost motherly ambitions for the Jotun.

If he thought it right, this was more than laughable.

Utterly ridiculous. A puerility. He had no time to spend for such childish pranks of his mind.

Nonetheless he tightened the reins in an irony grip to not be thrown from his horse.  
_'I'm coming, brother.'_ he thought and had to control himself not to emit a battlecry in the steaming air while they dived in this ocean of fire and indescribable heat gnawed on his skin.

_'I'm coming to bring you back home!'_

_TBC..._

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Hey :)

Any feedback yet? I'd appreciate it very much 3

Love,

Nathaira


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 : Come little Children**

* * *

_Come little children __  
__I'll take thee away __  
__Into a land of enchantment..._

* * *

Languorously Loki opened his eyes.

Insurmountable darkness enveloped him like a tightly laced cocoon. She was so completely black that he first speculated if he lost his eyesight for an unknown reason and was damned now to carve out his miserable existence in sudden blindness. He opened his mouth carefully, licking his lips. They felt chapped. Dry and parched, as if not a single drop of water had wet them for months. Slowly he moved forward, tried to focus on his remaining senses to detect any information with the rest of his perception.

Searchingly he brushed his fingertips over moist ground, diagnosed its soft consistency as musty earth.

Where was he? Was this a dream? A nightmare? (He was rather used to nightmares.)

Narrowly he sat up, scrambling on knees and hands like a helpless cub. He knew no direction, just moving forward.

He did this for a little while but nothing crossed his weary path. The gloom remained as the mold on which he walked. And yet it would have even relieved him if he encountered some form of resistance in his way. It would have given him the reassuring indication that he was not crawling in a circle, but was heading to a faraway target.

* * *

_Come, little children_

_The time's come to play_

_Here in my garden of shadows_

* * *

Abruptely Loki collapsed, pressed digged his forehead into the earth.

Tormented he pressed his hands over his ears, sharp waves of pain flooded his trembling body, penetrated every single muscle, which he owned.  
He was paralyzed, fell into toxic rigidity. Threads of saliva ran down from his half-opened mouth. It seemed to him as if he would be burned from the inside out with red-hot iron.

This voice. He knew this voice. He had never heard it before, but he thought to know the originator since his birth. Something which could have been abstrusely enough would not also the fact had been added that he was able to recitate every verse of the song without any hesitation.

Heartbreakingly the whimpering woman smashed every syllable throughout the country, wearing Loki out.

Then an inhumanly high whine cut through the air, mated in ghastly harmony with the melodic dance.. It took some time for the Jotune to realize that it came from **him**. Ordinarily he would have scolded himself for it, but as the sweet, hypnotic voice rang again through the blackness, he lost any shame which had been left and he began to scream.

Shouted at the top of his lungs, screamed like someone whose skin was peeled off alive. He had never experienced such pain and could not withstand it mutely.

* * *

_Follow sweet children __  
__I'll show you the way __  
__Through all the pain and the sorrows_

_Weep not poor children__  
__For life is this way__  
__Murdering Beauty and Passions_

* * *

To his own horror he soon realized that hot tears fell from his cheeks.

Weeping and wailing incomprehensible words he writhed on the floor and wrapped his stiff arms around his waist.  
To hold back his sobs he bit his lips hard tasting bitter metal. It shook him as the lifeblood fell down in heavy drops bursting noisily on earth.  
His forehead felt like it was on fire. His whole body trembled in fever while his fingers compared with icicles.  
Too much. Everything was just too much for him. What was going on!? Who was this broad and why brought her song such mourning, such an abysmal suffering to him that it threatened to tear his soul apart?  
Desperation poured like a poisonous rivulet into his veins, cracked them, infecting them.

* * *

_Hush now dear children __  
__It must be this way __  
__To weary of life and deceptions__Rest now my children__  
__For soon we'll away__  
__Into the calm and the quiet_

* * *

¨No! ¨, the silver tongue wanted to shout, but not more than a choked whisper escaped his mouth. His voice was an echo, a whiff, a ghostly apparition in the mist of silence. ¨No, I don't want to! ¨  
He did not know why he said this, nor what he was trying to achieve with it. He only knew, a fear, so entirely and without mercy, had seized him within seconds that it conquered his whole existence and made leave him in place as a babbling, quivering infant. And he knew something else. The voice, the broad, the woman ... whoever she was, she came **closer**. Her presence was similar to that of a force of nature. Clear and hard as rock, yet soft as a feather in a fresh breeze  
She was final and easygoing, here and then far, far away.  
Now she was here. **HERE**. And Loki knew more than anything that she came because of him. To pick him up. To take him away. But whereto? He refused to think about it. Just wanted to close his eyes and wake up in his cell.

Breathing, raging. Living.

* * *

_Come little children I'll take thee away __  
__Into a land of enchantment __  
__Come, little children The time's come to play_

* * *

Just a few more steps. A few meters.

She went with the weightlessness of angels, her feet barely touching the dirty soil.

Loki heard a chorus of children's voices, which continued the melody with a strange hollow sound, spanning a canon out of it.  
His limbs acted numb, his flesh was cold and motionless.  
Unable to move anymore he was at the mercy of fate. At least now utter panic afflicted his thoughts. The woman, or the _being_ (he did not really know what it was) was now in front of him. Her breath rippled in his ear, drove thornes in his heart which had, as he recognized in this moment, stopped to pound. Like a chunk of coal it weighed in his chest and he heard how she kneeled down before him, felt clammy spider fingers stroking his hair. They even took a tangled strand and placed it almost tenderly behind his ear.

¨_Here in my garden..._¨ she sang quietly, relieved.

She had found her prey. Obviously she would not give it up again. Not at any price.

Desire pestered Loki's senses. He breathed no more, his eyelids fluttered.  
He was close to fainting.

¨Thor¨, he gasped, took his last forces to put out a hand to someone of whom he always had claimed to hate him (and still did).

¨Thor! ¨

There was no other name, no other man he could have called in this moment. For nobody else would have recked about him anyway.

And Loki waited. Seconds were hours for him, minutes were days in the blink of an eye. Ages passed by in a torrent of words, pictures and grief.  
But Thor didn't come to his rescue. Thor was not here. Thor would not save him. Not this time and never again. Because he forgot him (Loki thought so). Because it was senseless to care about descendents. When this insight hit him, it was like the final blow the Jotun needed to finally give up. To let himself sink completely into the surrounding darkness.

The fall into a meaningless nothing. A surrender of identity.

He wearily slumped to the ground, his eyes tilted backwards. He didn't even noticed how dead lips pressed a frosty kiss on his temple, how he was lifted up and carried out of gloom.  
He did not care. Because he was dead. Truly _dead_.

And Thor would find no way to put him out of this misery. The misery only he was responsible for.

He was alone. Alone with himself.

And _her_.

…_of shadows_.

TBC…

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Hello sweethearts^^

Please forgive me that this chapter is quite short this time. I hope you still had fun while reading it :)

The song I chose for *the woman* to sing is *Come little Children* and doesn't belong to me. I found it on a Youtube-Video and fell in love with it.

Any feedback? Comments? Do you know who the woman is? And how do you judge about Loki's horrific situation? Poor baby, I know…

Love, kisses and hugs,

Nathaira 3


	3. Chapter 3

**Missing**

**Chapter 3 – Modgudr**

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Wettish gray mist pressed on Thor's face as soon as the magma redeemed in black ash chunks of his skin and armor and fell onto the bottomless ground.

He breathed hard, every whiff which he choked down his throat threw blisters of fire into his lungs. The flesh on his knuckles had burst, bulging red as a crab on the leather straps of the bridle, which he still held in an iron grasp. A few ends of his golden mane crackled softly, spraying a whirl of sparks over his aching shoulder blades. Sleipnir whinnied pitifully under the weight of the Thunder god, but most of his massive body had remained therefor the heat had demanded a lot from the berserk. All over and under the fabric of his clothes marrow-deep places were found and he felt as he had been roasted alive. Thus a lobster had to feel while been thrown into boiling water and cooking helplessly in his own shell.

Although the applied healing stones and his birth-given ability to regenerate already had fixed the worst damage, he felt miserable enough that he almost wanted to close his tired eyes and drift into an infinite sleep. Despite this thought seemed tempting, Thor shook his head impatiently and told himself to be vigilant. He did not know what outpost ambushed him, if he penetrated closer to the dreary realms.

He only knew - the most delicate hint of weakness was criminally forbidden here.

This was Helheim, the realm of the dead. It was no use to demonstrate his power, or to insist on the status he internalized in his beloved upper .

What mattered most was his legendary concern and the way he made it palatable to the mistress of this terrain. He had never heard before that Hel had ever given one of the souls away which dropped into her lap. And this caused great anxiety to him…

The deeper they slid down, the more the swirling fog bank thinned out. For the crown prince it seemed hours until he spied grained, anthracite-colored stone floor among themselves. At first he thought it would be a optical illusion, a trap for his gount, glowing limbs.

But when Sleipnir sat all his eight hooves on the hard, flat surface, trotted step by step over snorting noisily with relief over the recovered gravity, Thor dismounted and dared himself to the ground, testing ist true nature by knocking on it with his heel.  
It resisted his weight. This pumped fresh courage in the Aesir's veins.  
Pulling the stallion at his reins behind him, they bridged several meters of a track which soon turned out to be a straight path. Thor turnded his head, looked around suspiciously. Where the God looked, he saw a large, wide Nothing amidst off-white schemes. There was no significant landscape perspective, no rocks or bushes, where he perhaps could orient.

Complete emptiness.

That was everything what Helheim was willing to give him.

Ironically, it reminded Thor immediately of his own emptiness he felt since Loki's death lying like an invisible anvil on his heart. He threatened to sink into his thoughts again.  
Did his brother well? Had he finally found reasonable peace? And if so, wouldn't the crown prince commit a serious mistake by he pursuing the intent to rip him from this world and bring him back into the halls of Asgard? Was he too selfish? Was he even egoistic? Had he just come here to prevent the jotun from his last act in the play of life? To even dispute his decision to die?

Was that what he wanted to do **cruel** in the end? Irresponsible? Sadistic?

Before his own allegations were able to move him to repentance, Sleipnir perkily nudged him between the shoulder blades, promoted him forward imperiously. Surprised Thor turned around, realized that the stallion and he, however, were on the same level now. He no longer had to drag him along behind him - he went on a voluntary basis. And in a remarkable, almost mocking pace.  
The thunder god looked Sleipnir into the big, brown eyes and was irritated by the intelligence that was hidden in these endless pupils. He was not aware whether the horse already had internalized this clever impression all the time or this was only shown for a short duration. Anyway, he understood immediately what the horse wanted to dictate him with its invitingly pawing hooves. Thor could not help it when he put a sad smile on his face. The behavior of the stallion touched his heart.

¨You miss him too, right? ¨

Sleipnir responded with an exasperated snort. It sounded like _Of course, what__did YOU think__? __Now, hurry __up __you __bearded idiot__! _  
Thor laughed.  
This one-sided conversation was so abstruse to him that it, mingled with his pain, brought little tears in his eyes. Who would have ever thought that no lesser being as the mount of the All-Father missed Loki with the same devotion, as he did? It was miserable and at the same time immensely comforting to realize he was not the only one. Thor cleared his throat, swallowed several times. His mouth was dry.

¨ We ... should not let him wait any longer . Surely he's quite angry already.", he said roughly, went to the waiting stallion , which shifted his weight in his nervousness alternately on each of its eight legs .  
Several times he bowed the elongated skull , as he would want to agree with the Aesir . Together they walked on , crossed the path without looking back . Thor even dared to reach out his hand stroking gently over Sleipnir's ash-gray mane . To his honest joythe stallion granted it without any grumbling .

The crown prince had stopped counting minutes when a gigantic, wrought-iron gate crossed his field of vision. To be honest , Thor had indeed pictured nothing regarding the gateway to Helheim , but he certainly did not expect any ordinary steel fittings, as they were found in Asgard in hundreds of buildings. Confused, he let his gaze ramble over the surrounding.  
Where were the departed souls that should cavort in front of the entrance of Hades? Where were the fearsome guardians and the other horrors that had been preached to him in childhood?

They did not exist.

The flat rank before him contained stone and dust, otherwise it was unspotted from each oh so puny sign of life. The Thunderer was clueless. The door was locked by an artful interweaving of various components that had been poured into geometrically flowing forms. Together they created a single, impenetrable plate of iron and gold. Thor did not have a matching key to it yet he had known, in which hole he had to put it to achieve the desired result.  
But how should he open this door then? Mjöllnir weighed heavily on his hip . Well, swinging the hammer would have been a possibility, but he wrestled with what might follow after. Previously, he had spared no consequences, accepting them easily. But now, after he endured exile, found new awakened love for Midgard and the people there he used caution. A helter – skelter decision could lead inevitably to death, or worse. At least from that mistake he had learned. Thoughtfully, he bowed his head, crossed his arms over his chest. Sleipnir beside him angrily pushed the air out of his nostrils. He seemed not too happy about their forced stopover.

"Stay calm. We'll find another way", Thor told him softly, but the stallion turned away from him sulkily , trotted to the door and knocked it with an ankle checking the hard material. Before the god of thunder could stop him in time Sleipnir quickly turned around and gave the left leaf a powerful kick with his h ind legs. All four hooves clacked simultaneously against the iron, brought it to a deafening clatter. Alarmed Thor grabbed his weapon, preparing to be overrun by a horde of skeleton warriors. Yet nothing of such sort happened.

"You should keep your horse on a leash, little god. Otherwise my dear Garm will tan its beautifully groomed fur. "

The named man turned in astonishment to the right from where the deep voice came from. His eyes widened. A gigantic woman had pushed herself out of the bounds of fog standing two feet away like she had scarcely grown out of earth. Her body seemed coarse and shapeless as it was built of blocks.  
Gruffly was the midnight dark skin, her pupils reminded of almond slices in the milky white ocean of her eyeballs. Her worn face looked grim and unforgiving. I took Thor only a few seconds to realize that she was one of the cruel guardian figures he had heard of and she certainly did not approve Sleipnir's disrespectful behaviour. He sighed inwardly. He had not spoken a single world yet made he already made himself unpopular. This made his mission not easier. He tried to compose himself inhaling deeply.  
¨I'm Thor, son of O-¨ he began formally, but the contemptuous laughter of the giantess interrupted him rudely.

¨I know who you are, Thunderer¨, she said, boredom laying in her voice. She severed a mace from her wide belt rotating it playfully in the air. It had thorns on it. They looked spiky. Thor did not want to be sharpened on them. But he knew that he probably could not prevent a fight to get over the entrails Helheims. He still held Mjolnir in a tight grasp.  
The hammer was his insurance. His only stop in the middle of nowhere. However, Sleipnir slowly trotted beside the crown prince. He held his head upright, staring at the guard silently. He seemed to feel no fear. Neither towards her, nor towards 'Garm', the growling dog crouched to her bulky feet and blessed with the size of an ox. Viscous drool dripped from the raised lips of the wide snout, eyes glowing red like blood. Thor did not want to get too close to this hound. It would have bitten off his hand up for sure.

¨ I want to talk to thy mistress. She has something that belongs to me ¨, he finally said in a commanding voice, did not know how he should phrase it otherwise.  
The giantess smirked. Two gappy, yellow rows of teeth became visible.  
¨ Wrong, Aesir. This is Helheim, the home of departed souls. My mistress is the only one who commands here. And nothing belongs to you for everything is dead and legally her property. ¨

Thor ground his teeth. What an irreverent spawn of darkness he had met. But what else could he expect from a giantess ...  
¨ What do you call yourself? ¨ he asked warily. ¨ What is your name? ¨  
¨ Modgudr" she replied. ¨ I already know who you are. Thor, son of the All-Father and heir of his throne. To be honest, it surprises me that a noble like you dares to stroll in these dark realms. ¨ Her eyes narrowed to calculating slots.  
¨ Well, you must have doted on the little frost giant if you want to mess with the goddess of death herself. I admit, I was astonished about your sudden need to save him. Almost ironical for it was his own intention to escape you and the cursed dungeon you trapped him in through suicide. And now YOU come to Helheim and demand to put the stolen soul back into his breathless body? Aesirs these days will never stop to amuse me.¨

The voice of the giantess was cold and hard as a breeze in october night. And each of her barbed words stabbed Thor straight through the heart.  
He did not even ask why she knew about his plight. He wanted only one thing – to silence her. Because her cruel, self-evident words revealed what tormented him inside since he had received the message from an excited guard, his brother would be laying mute and rigid on the floor of his cell. He knew that it was pointless to doubt her sentences or to even name and shame any apparent truths. Because if he was honest, he had exactly thought about the same suspicions on which Loki's suicide was concerned. **He** had been the cause. Among many other things.  
**He** had been the tip of the iceberg.  
He was not able to persuade another reason for this developement, because there simply no other _existed_.

Thor took a deep , rattling breath.

¨ Loki was out of his mind when he picked up the shard to cut himself.¨ he said gruffly , strove for a firm, unwavering tone . ¨ If he had possessed a clear mind , he wouldn't have chosen this dishonourable path . I know my brother. He's too strong to take refuge in suicide. ¨

Modgudr gave him a sidelong glance.

¨ If you actually believe what you're talking, you're more pathetic than I thought ¨ she said dryly as she shouldered her mace. The spines bounced like cotton wool on her granite skin. ¨ But well , you can keep your illusions if they ease your conscience . Nevertheless, you mustn't proceed. This is the end. ¨ With the other, free hand she pointed in the direction Thor and Sleipnir just came from.  
¨ Crawl back to your your bright kingdom and turn your back on this fog. The jotun is now one of us. ¨ Her grin widened to the hight of her cheekbones growing into a horrific grimace . ¨ Don't worry. Hel has , as far as I 've heard, already taken a **liking** to him."

Thor hesitated slightly when he heard the last remark, but managed to catch himself quickly. His eyes hardened , fine lightnings flashed in the cobalt blue iris. The scenarios which Modgudr conjured in his mind drove him bitter and furious. Learning that Hel herself took his brother into custody, spanned every fiber of his body. And the anger, this well-known , liberating anger strengthened his decision from second to second .

¨ I will only go when Loki comes with me. Alive ¨ , he said , and his voice rumbled like the thunder itself over the washed-out schemes that would have been mentioned 'country' in other worlds.  
Ordinary enemies would have been threaten by that date, or at least the foresight to escape. But Modgudr remained immune against the rage of the Aesir. Not a single step she backed away. Who could tell what monstrous figures she had met and killed during her eternal patrol.  
She was old , perhaps older than many mountains , perhaps older than the stone floor at her feet and the gate behind her back.

Many things had happened to her. Lots of strange things for sure. She had faced many dangerous situations. Above all, she had faced many stubborn creatures before.

And the fact that a god like Thor descended into this sea of mist and dared to speak out against the death sentence of Hel was certainly no exception that would have been stated explicitly. She even let out a loud yawn, which was hardly intended to be mitigated with her hand, so that Thor could look at her rust-red throat. Him about a shiver.  
Whether it was indignation or disgust he felt he could not say at that moment. Probably both.  
¨ You had your chance, Thunderer ¨ she said in a bored tone, took her mace from her shoulder and let it bounce on the ground in which formed narrow cracks in a blink of an eye. ¨ And you lost it. However, if you do not understand otherwise, I'll probably have to help you with your little farewell. The years taught me it's quite sufficient to break one's legs and arms in such case. The Asgardian people were always more snivelling than mine. Millennia didn't change that. ¨

With heavy steps she came up to Thor. The earth shook under her weight. She walked almost leisurely. As if she did not intend to shatter Thor's bones, but want to shake his hand in greeting. Thor flinched no inch, remained in place. Mjolnir pulsed aggressively in his fist.  
The hammer had tasted no more giant blood since the last time Thor payed a visit to Jotunheim, no wonder that her appetite had grown so much. Her master, however, was so moved by despair, pain and self-hatred that he had randomly beaten up each creature that stood against him right now. Sleipnir had knowingly taken some distance, watching the spectacle with silent satisfaction. Had the stallion been able to, he would probably applaud with his hooves (which admittedly would have looked a bit strange ...).

Only half a meter separated Thor and the Guardian when a sudden icy chill ran down over the Thunderer's flesh . Suddenly he gasped for breath as he felt his lungs would have dipped in frost. Modgudr stopped abruptedly , turning her angular head , as if she had heard someone calling her name .  
Shortly after Thor heard a pitiful , deafening squeal close to him. He looked up, his vision focused on the iron gate . He was not mistaken . The huge wings of steel swung open invitingly. And the bigger the gap was that they offered , the more it was as if a bony hand wrapped around his beating heart , threatening to tear it out of his chest. Sleipnir whinnied nervously , stood on his hind legs. Even he realized the deadly presence from the place behind the entrance .

Thor squared his shoulders .He was a bit scared, yes, yet he could not help but feel some relief in this unique message.  
¨ It seems your mistress knows who I am and wants to prepare a fitting reception ¨ he declared and gave Modgudr a triumphant , piercing look .

The gigantic woman merely snorted contemptuously.

¨ Hel does not discriminate between gods and mortals , you fool ¨ she said undauntedly , clasped her mace firmly back on her belt . She turned her head to the side until her neck let out a smacking crack. ¨ Remember, Odin was the one who once threw her as young girl in this dreary gap and gave her existence in the hands of fate . She didn't choose this kind of craft voluntarily.¨  
She grinned maniacally. A vicious, animalistic glint sprung into her eyes , greatly expanded her pupils. _Thirst for revenge_, as Thor knew this expression oh too well .  
¨ She hates him more than life hates her . I think she will make the example of you which old Odin denied her for so long . ¨

Her giggle sounded hollow and clattered tinnily out her throat.

Thor swallowed hard , but did not show his nervousness bubbling . Just as his shock. It was the first time he had heard that the goddess of death had obtained her ungrateful duty from his father.

¨ Oh yeah ? ¨ he said defiantly , preserved the self-confident appearance . ¨ What does she hope to accomplish then. Kill me?"

¨There are worse fates than death, Thunderer.¨

Thor shook his head impatiently, ran his fingers through his hair.

"So be it", he muttered stubbornly, darted his eyes to Sleipnir, ¨ Take care of my horse while I'm gone. When I return and see that you laid a finger on him - ¨

The giantess stopped him with a wave of her hand, before Thor could finish his sentence.

"I vouch for his integrity. Hel's guests are treated like porcelain ¨, she implored him soberly, then turned to her hellhound, which, however, tried to bite the chain he wore on his neck with sharp teeth. His action was crowned with moderate success. The first steel fragments already piled up on grayish ground.  
Modgudr narrowed her eyes in a tricky way. ¨ But by Garm you never know. He is always so terribly impetuous. Especially when he meets a new playmate ... ¨ she let her words ominously fade away ominously.

But when the thunder god did not answer it, nor ventured a few more steps into the deeper realms of Helheim, the corners of her mouth sank rapidly.

¨What is it!?¨ she asked brusquely, ¨Now go finally before Hel changes her is capricious like a corpse.¨

Thor looked at her. Then to the open gate. Finally, to Sleipnir, who looked at him in silence. The stallion stood like a statue, calm and collected. He did not move from his spot. He would wait for him. Until Loki returned. Until he had brought his little brother back.  
Thor hesitated. For a heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three. This was his chance. His last chance to change their destiny.  
He would get no more.

Finally he began to move and crossed the entrance to the Underworld without looking back again. His hulking silhouette was greedily swallowed by the swirling streaks of shadow. Unaware of what lurked in them.

Tbc…

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Hello dear readers :D

Finally I could post the third chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it^^

And thank you very much for your lovely comments, I'm so happy about every single word of feedback you give me :')

Love,

Nathaira


	4. Chapter 4

Thor could barely see his hand in front of his eyes.

The fog that had hampered him outside the door, compacted and blurred his view with every step he strode forward. He struggled through milky walls of greay smoke not knowing what dangers might lie in wait for him. It was quiet. So finally quiet that the silence almost bit in his ears.  
The only sounds he heard was his own, quickening breath and his vigilant beating heart. This was a cursed place. He felt it with every fiber of his body. The oppressive atmosphere put shackles on his soul and squeezed the breath out of his lungs.

Like a blind man he stumbled around and at least now he had to admit that he did not know where he should go. He had no idea where he Loki was imprisoned, nor how he could convince Loki to go back to the surface without being mauled alive by Modgudr or even Hel. It would be difficult. Very difficult. At least he had never heard that anyone ever managed to cheat death.  
He wanted to just grudgingly confess that he had lost his way hopelessly, as he recognized directly behind him a powerful presence. Thunderstruck, he spun around, raised his hammer to attack.

And stifled a scream.

A few feet away from him walked a creature that he had only known from scary stories. Until now.

Her body was inhumanly thin and scrawny like the branch of a bony oak. A simple dress reaching the ground covered her childish nakedness. Everything about her seemed extremely stretched like she had been on the rack. Especially her fingers had the length of kitchen knives and appeared similar to figure was in the middle split in two, and seemed to have been sewn together with a scant number of needlesticks. One half of her body was white and captured an unearthly beauty.  
The flawless skin shimmered in a warm tone as well as her half-smile which proclaimed goodness. The other half was black and the skin wrinkled and withered. The meat rotted in several places and looked by it more closely, you saw pale bone fragments shine through unhealed wounds everywhere.  
Hel.

The woman with two faces that had blended into a single, grotesque face. She who was feared by the All-Father himself.  
She, who held Loki in her fangs.

Thor clenched his fists. Swallowed hard. He did not flinch.

_He was a god ! _

¨Thor Odinsson¨, the woman said and her voice creaked, als bröckle Grabeserde zwischen ihren Zähnen. ¨What an honor the Asgardian prince pays a visit to my modest home. Do you like the countryside? ¨ She spoke without any form of feeling or sensation. She sounded cold. Thor überlief eine Gänsehaut.  
"Perhaps it would rather have pleased me, if it had not encountered your guardian ¨ he rasped against his will, cleared his throat to give his voice some hardness back, ¨ Now I think every time I look around, somewhere her rocky humpback seems to spot."  
Hel bowed her head vaguely. Her colorless eyes studied him dispassionately.  
¨ Ah, then you've already met Modgudr ¨ she said. It was a statement, not a question, ¨ She is a good soul, isn't she? Although her lovely strictness makes her bitter sometimes.¨

¨Lovely?¨.

Thor was forced to a humorless laugh, no matter what consequences it drew with it, ¨ Is it called here _loving_ when you threaten someone to break his bones? ¨  
¨ Only if you ordinarily start to rip the internal organs apart first, yes ¨ Hel replied and left no doubt that she was deadly serious in her remark.  
Thor took a deep breath. The constant presence of death tugged hungrily at his strength like a drunken woman. He felt them leave him painfully slow. The faster he could get out of here with Loki, the better.  
¨ I'm here because-" he began, but Hel raised her hand to shut him up.  
¨ I know what brings you here, Thunderer ¨ she said flatly, her voice similar to quicksand, ¨ You miss a certain frost giant in your ranks, I suppose."

Thor snorted.

"Then stop your games and give me what you stole from me. Tell me, where is Loki? Where did you hide him? ¨

Shortly after these words had left his lips, he regretted it. The ambient temperature dropped rapidly. The fog fell down like stone walls around him.  
¨ I have no need to hide him ¨, Hel corrected mildly, ¨ And I want you to pay better attention to your tone. I'm not a thief. Loki has voluntarily brought himself into my arms. To die the straw death was his decision, not mine."  
Goose bumps paved over the muscled arms of the berserker and Thor shivered as rare in his life. Even Jotunheim seemed to be a cozy place at this moment. His teeth chattered.  
¨ That does not matter. No matter how it happened and who is responsible, Helheim is not where he should be. He belongs home. Give him back! ¨  
The goddess laid her grotesque head sidewards. Even if there was still no single emotion reflected on her face, she seemed amused because of his reckless statement.  
¨ Why should I give you back something that has never deserved to be yours? ¨ she asked. Thor froze.  
When several minutes without an answer had passed, the goddess made a small gesture with her delicate white hand.  
¨ You know, it's good to have someone on your side who has experienced the same suffering as oneself. ¨ she said, viewing the wasteland in front of her, ¨ Once Odin took me from my mother and threw me into the darkest place he could find. He believed me dead,** wanted** me dead, but Modgudr found my shattered, whimpering body and took me into her care. I owe her my continuing existence. And yet I was lonely all the time. Terribly lonely ... ¨ a sigh escaped her parted lips. Somewhere Thor heard the cry of an old woman. "Loki is lonely, too. We can be lonely together now. ¨

She studied him under dense and sparse eyelashes.

¨ You are a good son and a good brother. ¨ she judged softly, as if she spoke to an old man embedded in his deathbed, ¨ But you do not know what true love is. And you can not give something which you know nothing about. It brought your brother into his grave. ¨

She snapped her fingers. The fog in her back formed obediently to a bench on which she sat down. Abruptly Loki materialized out of nowhere next to her, his head resting in her lap.  
He had closed his eyes. He was unconscious. And pale, paler than in his own lifetime.

¨ Loki! ¨

It was more of a reflex than a personal decision when Thor shouted the name. No, he roared it like a lion. But Loki did not move.

¨ I'm sorry to disappoint you but he can neither see you nor hear you.¨ Hel said with a little smirk draped over the corners of her twisted mouth.  
Almost gingerly she ran her bony fingers through the raven hair of the jotun, stroked the stray strands from his forehead.  
¨ He is dead. Only those who share this condition he is allowed to perceive¨.  
But Thor did not want to believe her. The mighty man was shaking like a child scared of a clown. His eyes were intently focused on Loki and Loki alone.

¨ No! ¨ He spat, took a step forward. ¨ No, you can't do this. Loki! Loki wake, up! ¨

Now he shouted. Shouted so loud his throat was aching.  
Still, there what no answer.  
It was as if Loki was asleep.

Thor did not know if he imagined, but he could have sworn that Hel actually smiled.

¨ It's time to go, Odinson. ¨

Her elected tone was surprisingly friendly. However it was determined.  
¨ I allowed you to see Loki one last time with your own eyes, but also **I** am bound by ancient laws ¨ she said coolly, any pity in her voice amortising loan, ¨ One of them forbids me to tolerate a living being in the kingdom of the dead. Another prevents me from what is dead to come alive again. Unless death itself cherishes compassion. You have come for nothing, my dear. Loki stays with me. For all eternity. ¨

¨ No! ¨ Thor called her for the third time desperately, ¨ I beg you, have mercy! I'll give you what you want! Gold, jewels - ¨

¨ The dead have no use for jewelry and other trinkets. They desire nothing but their silence ¨, Hel said lightly, her eyes far back in morbid tenderness on Loki teaching, ¨ Do not be worried, even a god dies someday. Make sure that you fall in battle, then Valhalla will greet you. ¨

¨ I cannot wait that long. Tell me what you want. I'll do everything. Everything! ¨

Finally the goddess listened up. Her emaciated body stiffened almost imperceptibly, as if a terrible episode of her mind had sprung in front of her eyes. Then she lifted her head up, and her carbon iris collided with Thor's.

Everything? ¨ she repeated, spitting out the letters like poison. ¨ Are these your last words? I'm afraid I do not remember an Aesir who ever had hold his promises. Not when they came to me. ¨

The chance scenting Thor put a hand on his chest where his heart was beating. Drops of sweat stood on his forehead. A deal with the mistress of death. Would Loki have been awake, he would have certainly referred to this as the most stupidest task, that Thor ever was going to do.  
But Loki was not awake. He was dead.  
And Thor would do everything to put an end to this terrible state.

¨ I swear it, he replied firmly, ¨ By Loki's life. Spot me a duty and I'll do it, no matter what comes my way. ¨

She stared at him openly.  
For a long time.  
Then she split her lips.

¨ Kill Odin. Bring me his soul into my kingdom. Only then you'll get Loki back. ¨


	5. Chapter 5

Hello :)

First, thank you so much for 13 Reviews and 19 Follows and 10 Faves. I'm so happy that you like this Story!

I hope you'll like this chapter as well ;)

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It came to pass, that Modgudr (would draw the relevant consequences) four hours after that meeting, crossed the gate of Helheim on her own and went in search of Hel.

Soon she found the Goddess in her dwelling. Like a young queen she was enthroned on her bed cross-legged and stared at the gray brick wall in front of her with keen interest. She played with a cat skull in her hands. Hel loved cats. Modgudr turned slightly to the left and discovered the jotun, as he crouched in a corner of the room, knees bent and his lips pressed into a thin line. She nodded to him.

"Hello Loki." she greeted him with her raw voice.  
Knowing well that she would not get any response, not even a single twitch of his bony shoulders.  
As expected Loki replied nothing. Sighing softly, the giantess turned back to her foster daughter. All the millennia that had passed - and yet she still hated it most, when the personalities of the dead slowly but steadily broke apart remaining in a state of mental derangement. She would never be able to fully accept this cruel development. But enough of that. She had not come here now to fall into useless melancholy.

¨ Why did you let him go? ¨ she asked straight out, put her paws on her angular hips, ¨ you probably know that he won't do it, right? He won't kill his own father? ¨

Hel tended her head vaguely, so the blonde half of their hair tuft similar to covert the beautiful side of her face like a curtain. The bare, black counterpart suspected not a single hint about her current feelings.

¨ Oh, I don't know ¨ she said in a shallow tone, repeatedly digging with her thumb in one of the empty eye sockets of the skull, as if she were waiting for something to bite her back finally, ¨ There was something in his eyes. Something, which reminded me of myself when ... ¨ Her sentence trailed off unfinished.

Modgudr snorted.

¨ And what would that be? ¨, she dug in a deeper bass. She did not like the grief that threatened to emerge, as it was formative in the two different halves of the goddess' face.

¨Love" she answered promptly and it sounded as if she were speaking about a friend who had become a stranger to her over the years, ¨ All-consuming, agonizing love. His expression became the father of someone who would do everything possible to save the one he loves. Even kill. I ... the same expression shone in my mother's eyes, when Odin's soldiers tore me from her arms. ¨

Hel wrapped her own arms around her waist, as if she felt cold. Her eyes lost themselves in the distance.

¨ As the men picked me up, she hurried after them like a madman, stamping with her little fists on the metal armor without a single dent to leave. She screamed and cried and scratched their vulgar visages. _Take me!_ she called after them in desperation. _Take me!_ again and again. After all, it was one of them who had enough, took his sword and ... I'll never forget the silence that rang in my ears as she fell down to the ground and stopped moving. Then the… the petrifaction of her body, the hunched posture. The blood that oozed from her wound. Her gaze was still on me. I was instinctively aware that the fire in her eyes was extinguished. ¨ Hel fell silent. It almost seemed as if a humorless laugh sneaked up her throat, but she remained quiet. ¨ Only my own screams remained while they pulled me away further. ¨ she said then, whispered in a voice that had lost any indifference.  
She was destroyed by grief. And maybe even felt a bit of self-loathing.  
¨ I was deaf, because death had taken away any sound. He should have punished me with blindness instead. Then I would never had… to watch all this. ¨

"Her death was not in vain", Modgudr interjected soothingly, but Hel only looked at her with dreary eyes.

¨ It was my fault. ¨

¨ You couldn't do anything. You were a child. "

¨ So what? If she had not borne me, she would have escaped this wretched fate. If she had listened to the priest, who told her to drown me when I was an devilish infant, she would have remained alive. ¨

¨ There is no use to curse our past, dear. Deeds are better than words. ¨

¨ I know. ¨

She held out her dark spider hand, fingers spread in a quirky angle. Modgudr watched silently as Loki's head skyrocketed like a puppet, his limbs began to move haltingly and he clambered on to Hel. There was no pain in his eyes. No anger. No shame. No life.  
The green of his iris resembled as a muddy mud puddle reflecting the dense roof of an overgrown jungle. Hel looked at him, looked at him like a sculpture she was particularly impressed of. It took only a single hint, a reflex of her smallest fingertip, and the jotun knelt in the dust a few millimeters in front of her. Laughing involuntarily she leaned forward and covered his pointed chin with her hand, lifted it slightly.

¨ He's beautiful, isn't he? ¨

She turned Loki's head to the keft, almost broke his cervical vertebra without realizing it. How could she? She met no significant resistance. No one warned her to be more careful. No one cared about pain anymore. "Beautiful… in a broken way." she continued thoughtfully.

Modgudr snorted.

¨ You always had a passion for already damaged toys ¨ she muttered without enthusiasm, folded her arms, ¨ What will you do? Put him clean clothes on and show him off on the bridge? ¨ she asked sarcastically. The manner in which the goddess looked at the hapless ice giant made her worry.

Hel smiled.

"Maybe" she replied dreamily, ¨ Maybe he can. Maybe he can hold me in his arms until I fall asleep, too. It would be nice to have a male companion here. And he can entertain me with some magic tricks, when I'm sad. ¨ She grabbed the cat skull and weighed it under Loki's nose.

¨ Come on, my wizard. ¨ she whispered enticingly, her shoulders tense with anticipation, ¨ Show me your skills. Bring this animal back to life. ¨

Modgudr shook her head, sighing. Millennia had passed. And the native ruler of Hades, her _mistress_ had remained a guileless girl in her very core.  
¨ Child, you surely do not expe - ¨

The words were rusting on her tongue. Surprised, she expanded her eyes.

Loki stood up without hesitation and muttered a few obscure, magical formulas whose language Modgudr linked with an old elvish dialect. Suddenly, the skull was floating in the air, turned slowly on its axis. The temperature in the room dropped several degrees.  
And the colder was, the closer a fleshy mass began to sprout around the bone, covering the hollow ceiling with blood and tendons and nerves. Soon, the grayish substance of a cerebrum formed, a moment later a protective bark invaginated, liquids poured over it and the first pieces of skin subjected. Within seconds scattered hairs grew, added to a complete borken brown fur. Milky eyeballs grew into the empty caves, came forth, until the last foothills of fur overgrew the entire field and they were forced back deep into the cavities.

¨ Do you still have left the other bones of the skeleton somewhere? A cat is not an insect. It's head can not vegetate without a body. ¨

Loki's voice was businesslike and soulless. Modgudr could see a distinctive, rare light in Hel's gaze. This whole situation pleased her less and less.  
Hel, however, searched in her shelf, opened the third drawer and took a framed glass case bearing a plate induced with numerous bone fragments.

¨ They broke two months ago. I let them fall, unfortunately. ¨ she said abruptly, eying the fractures critically. ¨ To assemble them seemed… nonsensical. ¨

Loki looked toward her with cold eyes.

"No problem. I can handle this." he said.

The yellowed fragments flew to him in pleased order. He directed them on the head, which had once belonged to the form of a body. As if it were a cosmic mosaic, piece by piece attached to each other, driven by alien forces. Finally, the completed backbone also wetted with skin and hair. Organs, ribs and fabric clenched underneath.

As the animal actually fell to the ground, intercepted instinctively using its four paws and dashed with a roaring _meow,_ making a nimbly hump out of the room, Hel almost shouted in joy. She was thrilled by the result, clapped her hands in a hasty pace. She seemed like a different person now, although her appearance remained just as frightening as in general. Loki did not respond. He stood there like a statue, unalterable and dumb. He had fulfilled his ministry. And waited for the next. His free will was extinguished.  
Though the giantess liked to see her little protégé indulged in her happy moment, she unfortunately knew too well what lay behind this spectacle.

It was not the first time.

"Hel" she said gently, intending a reasonable suspicion. ¨ You ... you never even _believed_ that Thor would kill his father, did you? ¨

As if she was struck by lightning Hel turned her face and the last character of a smile paled from her lips, introduced a farce.

¨ What do you mean? ¨ she said sharply, seemed out of tune, ¨ Of course, I believed in this possibility. I still do. I'm not like the Asgardians. I don't fool anybody! ¨

Modgudr could not help but to hear a resonate touch of outright hostility in her voice. To argue with Hel always lead to a discussion and such discussions were battles she had already lost before she even began to fight. She could not win. She could only try again and again.

¨ You knew he would not go until he has wrested a promise from you. ¨ she said mercilessly, performing a hand dismissively, ¨ This pact ... he will not redeem it. Because he won't trade his father's life against the life of an ice giant, no matter how much he claims to miss him. The kingdom cannot exist without its king and Thor hates the thought of taking this responsibility. You told him he wouldn't know what true love is. But that's not true, you've disproved with your remarks. You meant somebody else. ¨

Hel pursed her lips.

¨This may be." she decided evasively. Then she sank back on her mattress. Her hands buried themselves convulsively in her lap. She was trembling slightly. Whether from fear or suppressed anger was not clear.

"I'm quite tired and should sleep. Please, go now." she said curtly. Despite that she used the word 'Please', her sentence sounded more like a command.  
But Modgudr was not until she had brought her thoughts to an end. She contented herself reluctantly with half truths.

"You never wanted to hold your promise." she repeated urgingly. ¨ Your words were solely - ¨

"Go."

Suddenly, a man-sized shadow hung in the corners of the room, climbing swiftly through the barren walls. Modgudr understood what his arrival meant for Hel's current state. And finally entered, albeit reluctantly, to retreat to. If she stayed longer, she would bring herself in serious danger.

¨ Modgudr? ¨

The giantess stopped but did not turn around. Avoided Hel's look intentionally. That made it easier after all.  
"I'm sorry." she heard Hel say softly, this time almost pleading. ¨ I want to be alone with Loki. I want to know him better.¨ she added quickly to additionally mitigate her rough sound.  
And Modgudr believed her. Of course, she believed her. She knew this game so well, it was just one of many déjà Vues. Too often. Far too often. Slowly, she became old.

¨Do not get **too** attached to him. ¨, she implored the goddess, as she had done in thousands of occasions before, ¨ The Thunderer is as notorious as persistent. He will not give up until he has found a way to take him away from you again. And until then, you might return him voluntarily. The longer the time a dead man has spent in here, the faster he forgets his identity and everything which shaped his personality when he lived in the upper world. Then he's just a vessel without content. An empty shell. It's the same with every mortal. They go to waste.¨

Hel drew in an outraged breath.

¨ But Loki is not a mortal! ¨ she argued stubbornly, fabric rustling. ¨ He is a **God**. For him it will take much longer until he disintegrates. ¨ Modgudr sighed.  
¨ Nevertheless, it is a temporary process, love ¨, she taught Hel, ¨ You lead death where he needs to be, but you are not his last link. You can neither stop this, nor even reverse its effects. You should know best. Even your mother was lost hopelessly, and we both remember every fruitless attempt we have made in this case, don't we? ¨

Hel snorted.

¨ I'm too old for sermons. ¨

¨ For this, you'll never be too old ¨ the giantess replied, waved, without turning back again. ¨ Enjoy it, delight in him as long as he is able to amuse you. When Thor comes to us next time he won't recognize him anyway ¨  
You could hear her thumping footsteps in the hall. The crunch of a rusty lock. A door that was slammed shut with force.  
Hel listened for a while on whether Modgudr had disappeared from the house or not. Out of habit she held her breath, which was really sad, for she wasn't use to breath for ages. When she was allowed to be completely safe, that, finally, the giantess had left them to resume her place in front of the iron gate, she turned to Loki smiling, who was beside her bed as ever. The whole time he had not moved away a single millimeter. What for? She had given him no instructions to do so.

Thus standstill. Logically, actually. But horrible.

Hel looked at the jotun from all sides, inspected him curiously. She bit her lower lip. He was even more impressive, as she had seen him all the times in which she pursued his career in the upper world. The pallor was one of his unmistakable trademarks and shone like a pearl in the pale light of the room.  
The green of his eyes had become dark, she had to admit, but she always found that the profound darkness suited him more than the sun did anyway, which would have mirrored in his terribly bright iris, otherwise. It resembled his appearance a bit more, what they rejoiced secretly.  
Death became him well. Hel loved it. That was her verdict. And over the centuries she had forgotten to tolerate other opinions that differed from hers. With nimble steps, she went to her bed, settled straight down on it. She looked at the jotun. He stared straight ahead. His lips pressed into a thin line. Hel swallowed.

¨ Loki. ¨ she began cautiously, tasted the flavor of the syllables on her tongue, patted the white hand invitingly beside her on the mattress, ¨ Sit with me. ¨

the Intended spoke not a word, but did what the goddess demanded. He sat down beside her. His marble countenance hid any emotion. Hel smiled, posted the prompt to execute her command as a small triumph. But that did not last long. Now it was time to push the boundaries.

¨ Take me in your arms. ¨ she said abruptly.

Loki did as he was told. Not a second later his arms lingered around her thin body and Hel sighed blissfully at his silent chest. Although the body to which they leaned so trusting, gave her only cold, she felt safe and secure.  
She was happy, if to feel something like happiness was still available for her. Happy, because it had been eons ago that a man had touched her in any way. Every fiber of her rotting body was starving for closeness, for caresses. Caresses which Modgudr could not give to her. Instinctively, she dug her sharp spider fingers in the mantle fabric, clung to it.

¨ Tell me that you hate Odin ¨, she continued, her voice almost cracking. Whether of joy or nervousness, she did not know herself. It was probably both, mixed with a touch of fear that Loki might reject her. As there had been so many men before that had done this often.

Loki nodded as if he was in trance, split his lips. The words leafed dispassionately into the thin air, little lights in the gloomy atmosphere.

¨ I hate Odin. I want to see him burn. ¨

Hel giggled. She would have purred like a cat when she could have done this. Burned Odin.

¨ Tell me that you wish Asgard would lie in ruins ¨ she demanded again, and could not wait to listen to the hypnotic baritone of her jotun again.

¨ Asgard deserves to fall ¨, ¨ he replied immediately, emotionless, mechanical, "With all that breathes behind its walls. ¨

If Hel had possessed a beating heart at this moment, it would have jumped out of her chest spinning wildly dancing and it would have danced at her feet implying a pirouette.  
She licked her lips hastily, pressed even tighter against the body of the former prince. A question. A final call lay on her tongue.  
The heaviest, the worst. The most beautiful.

¨ Good. Now tell me that you love me. More than Thor. ¨

Seconds elapsed. Minutes.  
She waited.  
Waited impatiently with anticipation and childish hope.  
But there was no answer.

After a while she started frowning. Warily, she looked up. Loki still focused an undetermined point on the wall, as he had already done it in the beginning. His mouth remained closed, his eyes expressionless. This time he seemed not to feel compelled to obey her. That was strange. No, that was _out of the question_! Such a thing had never happened to her before!

¨ What is wrong? ¨ she asked, holding out one of her hands and tugged impatiently at a night-black streak, allowing the head to wave on her side. ¨ Have not you heard? Say that you love me more than your brother! Say it! ¨

Again. No reply. Hel felt terrible cold in her hollow chest. Colder than usual. A slight nausea collected her senses, dizziness announced itself.

¨ Why don't you say it? ¨ she asked again and it sounded more desperate than she wanted. ¨ Loki, why don't you do as I say? Answer me! ¨

It was downright palpable, perhaps brutal. Startled at the shoulders of the jotun and did not care, as the bones creaked in protest.  
Finally Loki opened his mouth.

¨I am Loki", he said simply, his voice hollow and sharp as shards of glass, ¨ And I am alone. ¨

Hel did not understand.

¨ B-but that's not true. I'm here. You're not alone! ¨ She struggled for words. Such a situation was foreign to her, and it annoyed her that she threatened to lose control. ¨ Y-you, you'll never have to be alone anymore! I'm standing right in front of you! ¨

"I'm alone", Loki repeated without responding to her calls, ¨ No one misses me ... I just wanted to be missed. By him. ¨  
His tone was bitter, received the illusion of anger, sadness probably, it was not obvious to filter out. But that was not important.  
Slowly, very slowly the goddess of death fell in panic.

¨ No, no you're right, no one misses you. ¨ she said, shaking her head, her hair swirling in an airy arch, ¨ Thor doesn't either, especially not Thor! And now tell me you love me! Thanks me I have persuaded you to commit suicide and to put an end to your suffering! I have brought you salvation! ¨  
Each of her words trembled, the more sets escaped, more and more resembled a supplication.  
¨ Please, Loki, tell me you love me for it! And that you never, never want to see Thor again! TELL ME. ¨

To her own surprise, Hel soon realized that she was close to tears. How long ago was it that the echo of her weeping plowed Helheim's underground and had hurt the ears of damned souls? She did not know. But emotions shook her she never thought she would be capable of them again. What did he do to her? The one that had been mentioned _silver tongue_ in upper realms, punished her with his silence, his lack of cooperation.  
Why? She had believed they would be able to chain themselves in death. And yes, he did what she wanted, conjured for her, repeating her sentences.

Only one thing he did not. Something he had done in the world of the living eagerly.

He could not bear false witness.

He could not lie anymore.

At this moment he burst before her eyes like a discarded porcelain doll, fell to the ground, writhing in agony. Hel screamed, struck with terror on her own reaction she put a hand to her mouth until she knelt down and framed his profile with her palms.

¨ Loki. ¨ Her voice, her whole body swayed. ¨ Loki, what happens to you? ¨.

She saw with shock how his flesh colored greyish, stains dug into the smooth skin. A skinny coal-black liquid dripped from his mouth. He tensed up, spat. Shapeless chunks of unknown origin swam in the puddle that wriggled through his throat and spread on the floor. If Hel would have been honest with herself, these pictures, this behavior was not strange to her. On the contrary, she had already followed it for the millionth time, watching the process in vile boredom. It was what Modgudr had spoken of, her warning.

_"The longer the time a dead man has spent in here, the faster he forgets his identity and everything which shaped his personality when he lived in the upper world. Then he's just a vessel without content. An empty shell. It's the same with every mortal. They go to waste."  
_  
But why so early? Even for ordinary people it took at least a month until their brain vegetated to a pulpy mass and their memories paralyzed along with their tongue. Loki was not human. He was a god. A frost giant. _A god among the frost giants_.  
¨ What did you do? ¨ the goddess whispered, pressing the stiff body in her arms as the mother who had once sacrificed herself, ¨ What have you done, my dear? ¨  
Loki said nothing.  
"Alone." he said hoarsely then, each letter chopped off and crumbling as plaster. ¨ Now **he's**... alone. ¨

Then the petrifaction of his body happened. The hunched posture. His gaze still on her. The resounding silence ringing in her ears.  
Suddenly she wanted to cry _Mama_, but her voice went unheard, because she was deaf.  
Death had taken away every sound. Again. This he did gladly.

Loki did not wake up.

No matter how long Hel shook him and pulled, no matter how loud she cried and whimpered and cursed. He did not answer her. He was not breathing. He had not breathed the whole time! Hel did not understand it. She understood it less and less. She even slapped the dead, and the clapping sound echoed from the walls. Nothing happened.  
No emotion. Loki was not more useful than a puppet with stringes. The last spark in him was extinguished. No fire more.  
Hel remained in a strange trance. Her senses packed in cotton wool. Behind her, a movement. She turned around, mechanically. Her instinct told her to.

The cat. The cat had come back.  
Rolled into a fur-covered ball she sat on the blanket, licking her right front paw and purring complacently.  
Her pinched face, her pink snout, her small little mouth. Disgust. Hel felt nothing but disgust towards her. A shower of ice crystales ran down her back, as she looked directly into the creature's crescent-shaped pupils.

The iris, which glowed around them was green. Light green, emerald green, _silver tongue_ green.

Finally she realized what had happened and at the same moment she hated herself for recognizing it. The goddess of the dead had been cheated by her own toys. Cheated by her own guilt. And it brought white heat burning thorugh her veins of which she would never have believed that she could feel it after all these barren, fruitless years.

¨ You bastard! ¨ she cried angrily, scooped up a random object from the bed, caught a pillow and threw it at the fluffy beast, but missed it by a few centimeters. The cat did not move from the spot. Her loud meow got into Hel's ears for accusing ridicule what they could only be mad. Splitter for splitter the obscure situation added to an inscrutable mosaic. She had been so stupid. So horribly naive. The jotun had betrayed her. In death and beyond.  
¨ He gave you the rest of his life intentionally, didn't he? DIDN'T HE !? So he doesn't need to obey me! He is useless! ¨ she barked at the only creature in the room, which was blessed with a regular heartbeat and warm blood in its veins.  
Her tone was nourished by her overwhelming despair, her rage, her vulnerability, her regret, oh, how she regretted all this now ...

The cat watched her bustle with an almost ecstatic interest.  
Her purr came deep, rumbling steadily in her rising and falling chest.

Hel inevitably compared it with distant thunder. And she wept bitterly.

* * *

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

Thor stood on the balcony of the royal palace and looked silently into the night.

The town underneath his feet lay still as a sleeping creature. It was quiet. A peaceful rest. As if nothing had happened. As if he had not got out to the Norse hell two hours before. As if he had not found Loki dead in his cell barely half a day ago.

As if all this had been only a stupid, stupid nightmare.

Thor pressed his fingertips into the solid stone ledge of the porch.  
How he hoped at the bottom of his fearful heart, he could escape this precarious situation by an incessant tweaking in the upper arm. Opening his eyes to find himself in bed. And then he would run into the dungeons and encounter Loki, sitting on bed reading a book as he always did.  
Loki, as he rested his furrowed forehead on his shoulder.  
Loki, how he laughed at him, mockingly.  
Loki, how he looked at him until his emerald eyes sharpened with his topaz gaze.  
Silence. The minutes ran through the trackless dark like wandering strangers.  
Loki, as he cocked his head and asked what had happened, the baritone hostile, but milder, smoothing the intention behind it with care. Loki, who claimed himself to hate him. Again and again. Infinite loop. The false hesitation behind. The lie between numb lips. The test pattern that should have been meaningless, but it was not. The imagination. The pain. The suffering. Fear. Fear for what, actually? Silence. No words for it. No words anymore.

No words but one.

**Loki** ...

He thought to shout into the night to denounce the injustice, from which he suffered. Off the burden that weighed on his shoulders, and much worse, on his conscience.  
How should he decide? He did not want to choose between his brother and his father.  
Especially since the latter again lingered in Odinschlaf for a month and could bring up no resistance. Such a murder would not only be heartless, it would be disgraceful, a dishonorable work. Thor could not, was incapable of such action or at least he refused to be. This requirement was a single, perfect cruelty.  
So what to do? What to do ...

He flinched almost imperceptibly, as a slender hand touched his forearm. Frigga stood beside him, leaned against the solid affected railing. She said nothing. But she was was almost enough to make the Thunderer cry.

Thor cleared his throat. His tongue felt dry. As if he had not spoken for years.

"She wants father" he said huskily.  
His mother nodded. Her face showed no apparent horror. She did not seem surprised.  
"A life for a life.¨  
She sighed. Shady trenches were under her eyelids. Her crying had subsided, but the traces remained.  
"What shall I do? I **can't** sacrifice father."  
"Oh, you already know what to do. But you don't want to know. You are a loyal son.¨  
She smiled at him. Her mouth held a thin, joyless line. A charade. Her true joy had gone with Loki to Helheim and died there. Thor could not bear it, so he turned away. The sea of glowing points was dearer to him than the extinct creatures of his mother.

"Hel told me a story. A story of my father and her misery." The words went like sandpaper on his tongue. "Did he really ...? ¨  
He said no more. Frigga breathed slowly.  
¨Yes.¨ She smoothed a fold of her dress. Thor realized the noise, the soft rustling. "The prophecy said she would be one of those disasters, that would usher Ragnarök. Her birth was predestined and inevitable. Odin had spent years looking for her and finally found her as little girl, together with her mother. From father there no trace. He took her and threw her down into the darkest gap, he could find. He estimated her dead, but she survived and what should be her grave soon became her own kingdom. And the bad omen grew into a dangerous queen.¨

A volatile movement from the corner of my eye. The back coating of a honey-colored hair strand.

"Your father is a king, but not a saint" she said, and it did not sound bitter at all, just a bit tired. "He has flaws, as we all have. As you. As your brother. But he's a good man. He'll always be.¨

Thor turned to her. Their eyes met. His heart pounded painfully against his chest.

"Loki is a good man,too "he said, and he could not prevent the blurred sight in front of his eyes. He blinked. "Although he has betrayed us. Although he has killed. At the end he even killed himself because he hates us so incredibly. But I can't leave him there, you know? I can't do it. Although I know after his return he'll hate me only more fervently." Every sentence brought his bass clearer to trembling.

"I miss him", he whispered, choking. "He shall hate me if he likes to. He shall call me names and curse me for the rest of our life. So let him! Let him do all he wishes. I miss him more than I can bear.¨  
Frigga ran her thumb over his right cheek.  
"I know." she whispered, the blue of her iris was a deep sea and pulled him down to the damp ground, drowned him, "I miss him, too.¨.  
Then she took off her fingers, put his hands in hers.  
"You'll do the right thing." she said, a melancholy train carrying around the mouth, "Remember, we are asgardian gods. The only ones Hel must beware facing of. We are the ones she learned to fear and hate equally."

After that, she went, let the Thunderer alone with himself and his thoughts. While he watched her as she faded silent behind the velvet curtains, he knew no matter what he did, she would not interfere. Not even if he really should decide to assassinate Odin, his beloved father and her beloved husband, in his sleep.  
This knowledge meant a macabre relief to him. On the other hand pure horror ran like pieces of glass over his spine. Bitter bile spread like a blanket over his tongue, let him stop, swallow.

Scattered beads of perspiration took their winding path down his temples. He thought about it. About everything. Feverishly and manic. Let the voices of past events and hours reminisce before his mind's eye. He clenched his fists, his fingernails picketed in the flesh of his palm. Blood seeped through, deacorating the floor with heavy dark drops.

Remember, Odin was the one who threw her as a young girl in this desolate gap and left to her fate. She hates him more than life it. I think about you it is statuieren the example which ist.¨ eluded her for so long

Do not worry, even a god dies sometime. Make sure that you fall in battle, then you may Walhalla grüßen.¨

_"__I allowed you to see Loki one last time with your own eyes, but also __**I**__ am bound by ancient laws. One of them forbids me to tolerate a living being in the kingdom of the dead. Another prevents me from what is dead to come alive again. Unless death itself cherishes compassion._"

_"__He is dead. Only those who share this condition he is allowed to perceive."__  
_  
The first foothills tormenting migraine were circulating in his mind, pounded against his skull.

_"__You are a good son and a good brother. But you do not know what true love is. And you can not give something which you know nothing about."__  
__  
__"__Remember, we are asgardian gods. The only ones Hel must beware facing of. We are the ones she learned to fear and hate equally."_

_"__We are__**gods**__.¨_

The knowledge overtook Thor like a flash that hit him directly into the marrow.  
He shook at his own idea, and yet he felt as if he had been thinking all the time about it, without knowing. Without understanding.

Of course. There **was** a possibility.  
His eyes darted to Mjolnir, which weighed lazily on his belt. He was sure there was a pact, a deal he could even make tasty to a stubborn creature like Hel.

It was an ultimatum. The most precious thing he had to give. Not to compare with jewelry, with fame, with the satisfaction of any worldly desires.  
Something so pure, unadulterated that Hel could not help than to accept it, to yearn, to crave.  
He immediately went to the lower floor, ran to the stables, where Sleipnir amicably just did on a hay rack and almost missed him for the rough treatment he gave the stallion bestowed shortly thereafter with the hind legs a kick to the gut would .

Only when Thor constantly assured him that this time they would bring Loki back home under all circumstances, the animal was tame and let him rise on his broad back without resistance. Thor did not even need to tell him to move - Sleipnir already galloped madly, crossing the royal courtyard in a rush.

The venture was as absurd as risky. But did he even had a better choice?

A feeling of weightlessness took hold of him, when Sleipnir broke from the bonds of earth and rode into the sky. He needed no instructions. The stallion knew the way.


End file.
